im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
