he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
