Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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