Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
