Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
