Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
