No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
