If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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