I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
