??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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