brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize