How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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