I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
