the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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