A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
