3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
