Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
