Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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