Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
