the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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