Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
