my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
