No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
