So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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