just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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