C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
