well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
