you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
