Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
