Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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