I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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