just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
