no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
