so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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