burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
