I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
