It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's blow job season.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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