I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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