my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
