Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
