3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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