And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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