There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
