she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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