Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
