It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
