I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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