Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
