His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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