maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
