Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
