So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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