i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
