found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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