If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize