I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
