just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
