You're my little dorito
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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