I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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