I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
