im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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