So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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