we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
