Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
