Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There r osticjed everywhere
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
