I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
