you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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