I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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