are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize