Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
