you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
