matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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