shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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