I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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