Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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