Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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