my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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