Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
