I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize