Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize