Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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