So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
