My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
