my soul wont recognize me after tonight
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
