Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
