You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I just put wine in my tea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
