I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
