I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
