I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
