Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
